A Little Bird Told Me: Announcing the Trump Presidential Aviary

To be located in a drained swamp surrounded by a big, beautiful wall, paid for by Mexico.

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We will also have the BEST covfefe, too.

Calling all Trumpettes and Trumpsters: I’ll be tweeting my plans for a Presidential Library (BIGGEST in history of the world) on my new Twitter feed, @IdealDonaldTrump. This is Answer to ANGRY, Trump-hating, Democrat whiners who call me impulsive (FAKE NEWS). Brilliant ideas prove I can plan ahead, even if have to sacrifice valuable Executive Time. SAD about Fake News. Happy to serve! #ComeFlyWithMe

Extremely Stable Genius idea: Don’t call it a library. Only losers read Dead-tree Books or briefing papers. I go with my gut. Mine will be a Presidential Aviary! Pink Marble Walls will be engraved with my best tweets. (Hope Hicks, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, tough task but make selection from Shakespeare-quality posts.) #NOTBirdBrainIdea

BIG PICTURE: Find terrific site in Drained Swamp. Thinking of swing-state Florida with tremendous mural at entrance showing 2016 Electoral Map, a TRUE TRUMP TRIUMPH! Color scheme: RED! (Only a few, washed-out blue patches shown on failing coasts). They said it couldn’t be done, but MAGA won big-time! #LocationLocationLocation

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TrumpTRUMPITECTURE: Big, Beautiful WALLS, made of Gold-bullion bricks (no see-through slats, SOLID). Paid for by Mexico. Layout will be galleries around Empty-Core Atrium (central hollow represents POTUS crowd-pleasing, flexible ideology). Heating system: COAL-fired. #Miners4Trump

Decor: Lots of brass tacks. Palette of sparkly Fool’s Gold. Definitely NOT “less is more.” Only MORE is more (except regulations and taxes). For style, check out Versailles and pre-bankruptcy Taj Mahal Casino. #TackyTrumpsTaste

Cafeteria menu: NO tacos, NO maple syrup. NAFTA is over — WORST treaty in the history of treaties! Joke idea: Russian Dressing on salad? Absolutely NO Dark-and-Stormy cocktails. [Floating an idea here: hire ex-Playboy bunnies and Miss Universe wannabes as waitresses? We want Class, not Hooters. Or do we? Tweet your reply.] #LetThemEatCake

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Ratings important. Need to make it interactive. How about adding a shooting range? (Sponsor: N.R.A. They owe me!) Target to be determined, maybe 2020 Dem candidate, maybe ObamaCare? So many Losers, we can rotate targets. (Alternate activity: mini-golf course shaped like Map of Nigeria. Bonus if sink Shithole in One.) Prizes are TRUMP steaks. #AmericanCarnage

Another crowd-participation idea — instead of scavenger hunt, let’s have RIGGED WITCH HUNT! Riff on Where’s Waldo? books will feature photo-mural showing Congress at State-of-the-Union speech. Visitors stick pins in RADICAL LEFTY SOCIALISTS like AOC and Crazy Bernie. #NoBucks4Schmucks

Response to FAKE NEWS HATERS who say MAGA is regressive and looks backward to white-male-dominated past — what about a hair salon with my trademark Comb-Forward hairstyle? Get it, pathetic CNN “journalists” — FORWARD, not Backward. #NoToupeeHere

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Audio soundtrack shows I am not “Irony Proof” as TRUMP-HATING DEMS and MSNBC say. Use From Russia with Love theme song, Back in the USSR, and Money, Money, Money score from Apprentice as muzak. Hail to the Chief plays top volume when hologram of Billionaire Donald J. Trump pops up in traditional blue states on WINNING ELECTORAL MAP. Surprise, suckers you’ve been TRUMPED!!! #SingingAllTheWay2TheBank

Gift Shop stocked with MAGA hats, Trump “Success” cologne, DVDs with The Apprentice highlights reel and Best-of-Fox interviews. For global-warming crybabies: Snow Globe with blizzard swirling around Trump Tower. Aquarium with submerged Mar-a-Lago ceramic miniature to spoof Sea-Level-Rise Alarmists. Science is for Sissies!! #Deniers4Trump

Entrance will be Towering, phallocentric, with ALL WELCOME in gold letters. Except, naturally, extreme vetting for Muslim terrorists, I mean “visitors” (Saudi friends excluded from pat-down). Mandatory detention for all drug-dealers, rapists, criminals, undocumented aliens and asylum-seekers from South of the Tragically Open Border. Norwegians go to head of the line. #Cage’emUp

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Optional Panic Room with Enemies like Crooked Hillary (Lock Her Up!), Low-I.Q. Sleepy Joe Biden, Dimwit Jeff Sessions, Leakin’ Lyin’ Dirty Cop Comey, Spyin’ McCabe, Jailbait Avenatti. #BAD!

Best Buddies Gallery: Grin-and-grip shots of ME with Vlad-the-Destroyer Putin, Bibi Met-and-yahoo, Just-do-it Duterte, Soul Mate Kim Jong-un, What-assassins?-MBS. Room includes spouting, Turbo-charged water fountain (NO OBSTRUCTION in my pipes!!). #CollusionIsADelusion

Central feature will be Photo Gallery wallpapered with hundred-dollar bills. TIME Magazine covers and front-page newspaper photos of vibrant Donald J. Trump hang on four walls. Sculpture includes marble statue of my Very Large Hands, as recording of “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” plays throughout the Aviary. #Don’tHateMeCuzImBeautiful

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Opening ceremony will attract LARGEST CROWDS in history of public events: BIG Military Parade, Fireworks, Choir of Thousands led by N.R.A. rocker Ted Nugent. I’ll read dedication poem: “I think that I shall never see/ A Library as beautiful as ME.” [Note to merch sales force: stock up on Red MAGA hats, construct Trump Palace Hotel nearby with lots of Presidential Suites for Big-Bucks donors.] #JillionsAtMyInauguration

JFK grave and Graceland have Eternal Flame. (Actually, only semi-eternal for Elvis b/c turned off at night.) TRUMPLAND tops them with model of Eternal Fame Monument: my face added to Mt. Rushmore, gilded so outshines dead chumps. Carving mountain will be massive job-creator. #BestEconomyEver

More ideas? Tweet me @IdealDonaldTrump. This could be the BIGGEST infrastructure project of my Historic Presidency!!!!! WEALTH, NOT STEALTH!! The TRUMPLAND AVIARY takes flight! #TweeterInChief #BuildTheBrand #KingOfTheWorld