8 Situations When You May Show Coworkers Your Penis

Navigating a post-#MeToo workplace can be confusing. Fortunately, the CFR is here to help.

Facing a new dilemma at the office? If so, you're not alone.

As new high-profile accusations of sexual misconduct continue to be reported every day, we at The Clyde Fitch Report realize this can be a difficult time. While the majority of women — 54% — report experiencing harassment in the workplace, our society is only now beginning to confront this sinister reality with the attention it deserves. As it becomes clearer than ever that many men in news, entertainment, technology and beyond have been using their power to harass and assault their employees, we’re all left to wonder what changes we can make in the workplace to create safer environments for everyone. How can companies better provide employees with channels and resources for reporting harassment? How can they adopt more defined policies on harassment and guard against identified offenders? And, as men are faced with the disturbing patterns of behavior exhibited by so many of their peers, the natural question now on their minds: When may I show my coworkers my penis?

Much like the introduction of email over faxes or the need for both a desktop and mobile version of your website, things change, and it can get confusing. Even the most respectful and attentive men, when working alongside female colleagues, may wonder at one point their genitals may emerge. Should it be the bathroom? How about a moving vehicle? Would she prefer a more private moment after you’ve secured the door with the button on your desk like a James Bond villain?

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Whether you’re Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Bill O’Reilly, Kevin Spacey, Jeremy Piven, David Guillod, Adam Venit, Michael Oreskes, Andy Dick, Tyler Grasham, Chris Savino, John Besh, Roy Price, George H. W. Bush, Mark Halperin, Danny Masterson, Terry Richardson, Robert Scoble, Gavin Baker, Andy Signore, Leon Wieseltier, David Corn, Andrew Kramer, Twiggy Ramirez, Dustin Hoffman, Hamilton Fish V, Lockhart Steele, Knight Landesman, Ben Affleck, Brett Ratner, James Toback, Bob Weinstein, Jeffrey Tambor, Roy Moore, Benny Medina, Andrew Kreisberg, Louis C.K., Jesse Lacey, Gary Goddard, Tom Sizemore, Matthew Weiner, Eddie Berganza, Michael Hafford, Larry Nassar, Ken Baker, Ed Westwick, Oliver Stone, Charlie Rose, Glenn Thrush, Sylvester Stallone, John Conyers, John Lasseter, Nick Carter, Al Franken, Matt Lauer, Garrison Keillor, Teddy Davis, David Sweeney, Justin Huff, Israel Horovitz, Russell Simmons, Michael Halberstam, James Levine, Trent Franks, Blake Farenthold, Mario Batali, the US president, Dylan Howard or just an average Joe who isn’t sure when they ought to mention their penis, show their penis or act motivated by their penis, it’s a whole new world.

Our editorial team has assessed all the nuances of this modern workplace conundrum and created this helpful guide for men and their penises everywhere.

Here, then, are the 8 situations in which you can safely share your penis with coworkers: