Entertation Index Apr 8-19: Bieber’s Gaffe, Hagar’s Lament

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Twice monthly, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown
Tweed Society
‘s acclaimed Entertation Index. It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed’s unique sensibility.

And so, the Entertation Index, April 8 – 19:

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Aiken, Clay – A 57 year-old woman has been charged by a North Carolina judge after trespassing on the property of American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken’s home. The judge called the woman a nuisance, a criminal and, if she really believes she can make Aiken love her, the least well-informed stalker in history.

Link: Woman Charged with Stalking Clay Aiken (WRAL)

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Bieber, Justin – 19 year-old Justin Bieber, on the European leg of his current world tour, took some time this past weekend to stop by the home of Anne Frank, where he wrote the following words in the museum’s guest book: “Anne Was a Great Girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” I’m not even going to sully this with a joke. So…yeah. I think we all just learned something here, didn’t we? Let’s move on.

Link: Justin Bieber – “Anne Frank Was a Great Girl” (HuffPo)

Coachella РThe organizers behind popular music festival Coachella have announced set times for 2013′s event, which begins tomorrow. Please note the Yeah Yeah Yeahs at 8:25 pm on Friday, Franz Ferdinand at 10:15 pm on Saturday, The Lumineers at 4:45 on Sunday. Being drunk, dirty and talking nonstop about the one DJ gig you did one time will, as usual, take place all weekend long.

Link: Coachella 2013 Set Times Released (HuffPo)

Hagar, Sammy – Current Chickenfoot and one-time Van Halen frontman Sammy Hagar addressed his estrangement from his former Van Halen bandmates recently in an interview by saying that, “I would be in that band, still, if we could get along.” Sure, Sammy. And you’d still have a license if you could drive fifty-five. I guess some things just aren’t possible.

Large parts are fake, scripted.  The show, I mean.
Large parts are fake, scripted. The show, I mean.

Link: Sammy Hagar – “I would be in Van Halen if we could get along” (Van Halen News Desk)

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Kardashians, Keeping up with – A current lawsuit spearheaded by Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband Kris Humphries – who claims to have been “trashed” in the press – may force the reality show starlet to admit under courtroom oath that certain scenes from her reality show are scripted. I’m not sure which is worse news: that the Kardashians have been faking scenes all this time, or that a team of writers can’t come up with a better scene than the intense drama of Kourtney and Kim Kardashian discussing the color of a birthday cake or Bruce Jenner trying to fix a broken lamp.

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Link: Kris Humphries’ Lawyers Reportedly Intend to Force Her to Admit She Faked Scenes for “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” (NY Post)

Jameson, Jenna – Millionaire ex-porn star Jenna Jameson was arrested Saturday night before her birthday festivities at an Anaheim night club even began, according to gossip site TMZ. According to sources, an unwelcome fan approached Jameson, who responded by beating him off. What? Why are you laughing? This is serious.

Link: Former Porn Star Jenna Jameson Accused of Battery (CBS Los Angeles)

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Love, Courtney – Kurt Cobain’s ex-wife and former Babes in Toyland and Hole frontwoman Courtney Love told Wonderland Magazine – whatever that is – last week that she was in discussions to join a reality TV talent competition as a judge and mentor. She refuses to name the program, but early reports suggest that the program will feature Love discovering new talent, latching herself onto it as tightly as she can, making as much money as she can from it and riding it until it’s gone forever, then raping its memory. Tuesday nights at 8:00 on CBS!

Link: Courtney Love in Talks for TV Talent Show (MSN)

Paisley, Brad – Country singer Brad Paisley’s new song, a collaboration with rapper LL Cool J called “Accidental Racist,” which apologizes for the South’s history, is being soundly blasted by critics across the board for its bizarre lyrics and self-importance. On one front it succeeds, however: it’s simultaneously the worst thing to happen to both hip hop AND country music.

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Link: Is Brad Paisley’s “Accidental Racist” an Epic Fail (USA Today)

Park, Jurassic – With the success of Jurassic Park 3D this past weekend, New York Magazine has a story on how sound-effects engineers decided upon and created the noises made by the film’s CGI dinosaurs, including a horse in heat for the Gallimus flock which stampeded through the countryside and two tortoises having sex for the barking of the velociraptors. So see? All those noises you thought were scary weren’t scary at all. They were really just kind of skeevy, gross and icky.

Link: How the Dino Sounds in Jurassic Park Were Made (Vulture)

Sabbath, Black – With a new album on the way, rockers Black Sabbath will debut their new single “The End is the Beginning” on the season finale of crime drama CSI: Crime Scene Investigators on May 15. The episode will focus on the forensic investigation into the death of popular demand for Black Sabbath albums in 2013.

Link: Black Sabbath to Perform, Debut New Song on “CSI” Season Finale (Hollywood Reporter)

Good night, sweet prince.
Good night, sweet prince.

Snipes, Wesley – Please join TBTS in welcoming back to society Blade star Wesley Snipes, who was released from prison this weekend after three years. For those of you who don’t know, Snipes was convicted in 2010 for tax evasion, a charge only further exacerbated by his spearheading of a New York crack syndicate, hustling of street basketball players and antagonization of Sylvester Stallone in the year 2032.

Link: Wesley Snipes released from Prison (TMZ)

Voorhees, Jason – Actor Richard Booker, the first to portray Friday the 13th‘s killer Jason Voorhees in a hockey mask, has died. Well, they thought he was dead, and then he came back again. And then they thought he was dead again, but he came back at the end.

Link: RIP Richard Booker (Dread Central)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.