Entertation Index Dec. 10-21: Angry Birds, Abandoned Hamsters

Bieber with hamster
Goodbye, sweet PAC!

Twice monthly, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown
Tweed Society
‘s acclaimed Entertation Index. It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed’s unique sensibility.

And so, the Entertation Index, December 10 – 21:

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Bieber with hamster
Goodbye, sweet PAC!

Bieber, Justin – At a recent autograph session in Atlanta, the pop star gave one eager fan his pet hamster PAC. “Pet Hamster PAC” is not a euphemism, so you can stop making your “Eww!” face.

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Link: Bieber Gives Gift (The Sun)

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Birds, Angry – Because there’s nothing like striking while the iron is hot, Rovio entertainment has announced that an Angry Birds movie will reach theaters in the summer of 2016. The animated film will be much like the iPad and iPhone favorite app in that it will feature birds fighting pigs and that you will get bored after twenty minutes and decide to go see a different movie instead.

Link: Angry Birds Coming to Theaters in 2016 (Boomstick Comics)

Clinton, Bill – At a fund-raiser for the Clinton Global Initiative, magician David Blaine wowed the ex-president with a number of card tricks. Clinton was amazed at the sleight-of-hand, but was disappointed because he heard there would be “tricks” at the party.

Link: Blaine Amuses Bill (NY Post)

Cruise, Tom – 2013 will herald the premiere of Cruise’s new apocalyptic sci-fi movie Oblivion. NOTE: this is indeed a sci-fi film, and NOT a documentary about Cruise’s film career in the past 3 or 4 years.

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Link: Cruise’s New Film (Geeks Of Doom)

Four, Fantastic – FOX studios has announced that the second Fantastic Four reboot film will be slated for a Spring 2015 release. When reached for comment, studio heads allegedly told sources that “we refuse to believe that the movie-going public won’t give us their money to watch this, so we are just going to keep trying this over and over until they start doing it.”

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Link: The “Fantastic Four” Reboot has an Official Release Date (EW)

Jenner, Kris and Bruce – Rumors continue to swirl about an impending divorce for Kim, Kourtney and Khloe’s folks Kris and Bruce Jenner, with Radar Online purporting that the couple’s “imminent split” is tearing the family apart. Should this happen, it’s all but assumed that Kris Jenner will resume her duties as manager of her three daughters while Bruce will return to his former career as a mannequin in a sporting goods department.

Link: Kris & Bruce Jenner Heading for Divorce, Kardashians “At War” Over Impending Split, Claims Report (Radar Online)

Kardashian, Kim – Just months after receiving her as a gift from boyfriend Kanye West, Kim’s kitten Mercy has died. The cause of death was reportedly a cancer-like viral disease, but many suspect that Mercy ended her own life after finding out she was owned by Kim Kardashian.

Link: Kim’s Cat Dies (Us Magazine)

Congratulations, America!
We finally got something right!

Ke$ha – The “Die Young” singer, who has been promoting and talking nonstop about her new album since what seems like two years ago, debuted the record to paltry sales, only selling 85,000 copies of Warrior and failing to break the Billboard top five against old albums like Taylor Swift’s Red and Wiz Khalifa’s O.N.I.F.C. Ke$ha has told press in the past that she “writes about her life in her music” and that “my music is a representation of my life and vice versa.” We hear you, Ke$ha, and our unified response this week has been that obviously we care very little about either.

Link: Singer’s “Warrior” Gets Lapped by Month-Old Taylor Swift Album (HuffPo)

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Manchin, Joe – The US Senator from West Virginia has asked MTV to cancel Buckwild, a reality show that focuses on what Manchin calls “poor decisions of our youth” and negative stereotypes of West Virginians. It is unknown if Manchin also called for the cancelation of Jersey Shore, The Beverly Hillbillies, The Real Housewives of Everywhere, and all other show that rely on stereotypes of people who are not from his own state.

Link: Buckwild Irks Senator (HuffPo)

Swift, Taylor – Country-pop singing sensation Taylor Swift and her One Direction boyfriend Harry Styles did the infamous “Dirty Dancing” lift on the dance floor of a New York City after-party following the boy band’s concert in the Big Apple. A beaming, overjoyed Swift reportedly exclaimed to the press “I’m the luckiest fourteen year old girl in the world!”

Link: Taylor Swift, Harry Styles Do the Dirty Dancing Lift at After Party (Yahoo)

Youth, Sonic – The mid-1960s Fender Jazzmaster wielded by Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore was reported stolen last week after a show in Philadelphia. Philly police say that Moore was in the hotel bar with his luggage when he noticed that the $20,000 guitar was missing. It is unknown whether “noticing his guitar missing after being in the hotel bar” actually means “got trashed at the hotel bar and forgot his guitar.”

Link: SY Guitar Missing (EW)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.