Entertation Index, Sept. 3-14: Closer to Perfection

Lone Wolf
Come on, what's 1000 years to this guy?

Twice monthly, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown
Tweed Society‘s acclaimed Entertation Index. It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed’s unique sensibility

And so, the Entertation Index, September 314:

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Bolton, Michael – Sultry soul singer Michael Bolton has announced that he is in the process of writing his memoirs as a fledgling musician, successful songwriter and award-winning solo artist. Bolton told reporters that the book will detail “the heartfelt emotions and vital forces created in a lifetime spent developing gifts and pursuing passions,” adding that “Like a sculptor working with stone, I want to remove all that is less wise, less noble, less patient, less present, until I become something closer to perfection.” If this is how Michael Bolton actually talks, I look forward to joining the rest of the world in never, ever reading his memoir ever.

Link: Memoir Coming from Michael Bolton (NY Times)

Eastwood, Clint – After taking the stage during the final night of the Republican National Convention to address an empty chair as if Barack Obama were sitting in it-and after leaving a nation scratching its heads because Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair-Hollywood has come forth to address the strange scene. Star Jones and George Takei both commented on the performance on Twitter, but perhaps it was director (and super-Democrat) Rob Reiner who had the most scathing comment for Eastwood, calling the whole thing “embarrassing,” adding “and I know embarrassing. Have you ever seen North?”

Link: Rob Reiner Thinks Clint Eastwood’s RNC Speech was “Embarrassing” (HuffPo)

Gaga, Lady – As the “Born This Way” singer works on her upcoming album ARTPOP, sources tell UK’s The Sun that Gaga has decided to take on an unorthodox way of creating the album: she’s recording it completely nude. And if you think that’s unorthodox, you should see Gaga’s method of singing from her diaphragm.

Kim K
For Sale: One pair of blue jeans. Slightly stretched.

Link: Lady Gaga Records Material Naked (The Sun)

Gosling, Ryan – According to the husband of Fifty Shades of Grey author E. L. James, Ryan Gosling is strongly being considered for the part of Christian Grey in the movie adaptation. After hearing this, Ms. James is reportedly strongly considering herself for the role of female lead Anastasia Steele.

Link: Gosling As Steele? (Now Magazine)

Kardashian, Kim – Super-talented reality star Kim Kardashian has announced that she will be putting some of her old wardrobe up on eBay and donating the proceeds to charity. The auction is said to include dresses, jumpers, shoes and should be right up the alley for those who are fans of the E! reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians or pregnant women with a penchant for backwards pants.

Link: Kim Kardashian’s Old Wardrobe Up for Sale on eBay (myhermes)

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Maguire, Tobey – Director Ang Lee recast The Writer in Life of Pi, going with relatively unknown British actor Rafe Spall instead of the more famous Tobey Maguire. Don’t worry, Tobey. Another Spider-Man reboot/trilopresequel/musical will come along pretty soon.

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Link: Maguire Out of Life (Hollywood Reporter)

McMurtry, Larry – Pulitzer Prize-winner Larry McMurtry, writer of Lonesome Dove, Terms of Endearment and over twenty more ultra-famous novels, recently held an auction in his hometown of Archer, Texas, in which he auctioned off the bulk of his massive 450,000 book collection. Before you get too excited though, bear in mind that 300,000 of those books came from several pallets of the autobiography Hooking Up with Tila Tequila which were once delivered to his home by mistake.

Link: Writer Larry McMurtry Auctions off Most of 450,000 Book Collection (Reuters)

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Minaj, Nicki – Despite FOX having officially announced that award-winning rapper-pop star Nicki Minaj will be joining the new cast of American Idol as a judge, the “Starships” singer tells E! News that she’s still not sure if she will be a judge on the singing variety show. This proves we have officially entered into a black hole of American Idol news in which nothing means anything and nothing is true or false. “American Idol news” is all just an ethereal concept. Reality is eating itself. The tangible is intangible. We’re down the rabbit hole, everyone.

Link: Nicki Minaj – “I don’t know” If I’m Hosting American Idol (Rolling Stone)

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Norris, Chuck – The martial arts master who can count to infinity warned that if President Obama is reelected, the world’s children will “take the first step into 1000 years of darkness.” If true, this would actually be the second step, since FX already ordered an additional 90 episodes of Charlie Sheen’s Anger Management.

Lone Wolf
Come on, what’s 1000 years to this guy?

Link: Norris’s Prediction (ABC News)

Renoir, Pierre-Auguste – A visitor to a Virginia flea market, who paid less than $50 for a box lot, has become the unwitting owner of what art historians believe may be a small portrait by French artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir entitled Paysage bords de Seine, which may be valued between $75,000 and $100,000 dollars. If this is true, it makes the piece the greatest work of art to come out of the Virginia flea market since the airbrushed t-shirt masterpiece of Dwayne Loves Melinda Forever in 2004.

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Link: A Possible Renoir Surfaces at a Virginia Flea Market (NY Times)

Shore, Jersey – The swan song of MTV’s Jersey Shore is on the horizon, as MTV has announced that the upcoming sixth season will be the final one, and the network is ending the show’s run. This comes as a great relief to DJ Pauly D, who is now free to finish his Ph.D. in molecular biology; Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, who will go back to angrily punching people in the street; and Deena Cortese, who will return to the floor of a Hoboken Bennigan’s restroom.

Link: MTV Ending “Jersey Shore” (EW)

Spring BreakersHuffington Post describes this bikini-fest as a great flick for James Franco completists, “[u]nless you don’t want to see Franco, playing a character inspired by Lil Wayne and Riff Raff, singing Britney Spears while Vanessa Hudgens seductively waves a machine gun.” If you actually thought, “nah, don’t have any interest in seeing that, not even for schlock value,” you should take a few weeks off to figure out how you got to this point.

Link: Spring Breakers Great for Franco Lovers (Huffington Post)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.