Entertation Index, July 9-20: Schmocus Pocus

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Twice monthly, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown
Tweed Society
‘s acclaimed Entertation Index. It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed’s unique sensibility.

And so, the Entertation Index, July 920:

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Batman – Physics students at England’s University of Leicester have determined, after much research, that Batman could not physically glide by using his cape as it would almost certainly result in a fatal fall to earth. The students state that if the superhero leapt from a 150-meter high building, the 4.7-meter wingspan of his cape would only allow him to glide 350 meters, and would pick up too much velocity to remain safe. “What a bunch of nerds,” commented a 40 year-old convention attendee dressed as Batman.

Link: Batman Could Fly…But Then He’d Crash and Die (MSNBC)

Carnival, Electric Daisy – If you’ve never heard of this music festival, understand that over 300,000 people flocked to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway this year to watch hundreds of artists showcase electronic dance music. Some detractors assert that this type of music is associated with young people doing illegal drugs (!), and should be closely monitored or even banned. That’s in contrast to open-air Tom Petty and Jimmy Buffett concerts, where not a single illicit substance is smoked or snorted.

Link: CED Has Huge Turnout (Huffington Post)

Cora, Cat – The Around the World in 80 Plates star and celebrity chef recently took her mug shot 11 days after being arrested for a DUI. She reportedly told the officer that she had nothing to drink, but ate 475 bourbon balls while filming a new episode.

Link: Cora Mugs (People)

Games, Hunger – Fans of Battle Royale The Hunger Games can rejoice that Lionsgate, the studio which brought us the first of the films, has announced plans for three more Hunger Games films – even though Suzanne Collins’ saga only consists of three books. The fourth of the movies, which has yet to be written, is expected to follow in the traditional vein of “third sequels” and feature actors Eric Roberts and Treat Williams fighting a CGI shark.

Link: Lionsgate Splits “Hunger Games” Trilogy into 4 Films (Oregon Live)

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Scary Movie 4
Leslie Nielsen died so he could get out of
doing Scary Movie 5.

Latifah, Queen – The singer/actress stated last Wednesday on The View that she is “working on” adopting a child, something that she is “totally serious” about. She also mentioned that she is going to start her P90X workout in the next couple weeks, and has been meaning to read all the Hunger Games books before she watches the movie. She is also going to check Angie’s List and start calling contractors “soon” to redo the upstairs bathroom.

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Link: Queen to Be A Mom? (SF Gate)

Lohan, Lindsay – The internet is abuzz with rumors that Lindsay Lohan may be back on track with a “comeback” role in Scary Movie 5. It has to be a little disheartening when the culmination of your three-movie comeback is a Scary Movie sequel.

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Link: Lohan’s Back? (E! Online)

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Lynch, David – Sources report that famously esoteric director David Lynch and his wife of three years are pregnant. The baby will be Lynch’s fourth, and sources say he’s already begun work on the child’s nursery, which will include a burning chair, two cats tied together, an empty flower vase and a small pile of rocks. Lynch says that when the child is old enough, he’ll understand what it all means.

Link: David Lynch to Become a Dad Again, at 66 (NY Post)

Miller, Sienna – The British actress has reportedly given birth, after talking cryptically to Vogue a couple months ago about her pregnancy: “Even though I’m under strict instructions not to say anything as it would completely defeat the point of everything I’ve tried to achieve in the last eight years…I’m feeling fine…It’s all progressing nicely and it’s very exciting.” Maybe my reading comprehension skills are fading, but can someone tell me what that quote means? What’s she been trying to achieve since 2004? Who gave her the instructions? Is her child actually a super-powered mutant, the result of some government experiment? Pull back the veil, Sienna!

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Link: Miller A Mom? (Us Magazine)

Hocus Pocus
Condolences on your loss.

Parenting, Extreme – For those of you out there who still don’t have your own reality show yet, and perhaps are females who are currently breastfeeding a child who is societally viewed as too old to be breastfeeding, you’re in luck. TV producers are in talks with “several networks” for a program called Extreme Parenting, which will examine – among other things – the lives of unashamedly breastfeeding mothers with their children. Reps for Extreme Parenting are expecting to score big with their target demographic: males 21-35.

Link: New Reality Show on “Extreme Parenting” (Gather)

Pocus, Hocus – Negating a fast-spreading internet rumor making the rounds over the weekend that a sequel to the 1993 comedy Hocus Pocus – which starred Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimi as singing witches – was in development, Disney representatives released the following statement: “The studio is not developing a sequel to ‘Hocus Pocus.'” If this is truly saddening news to you, I am very sorry that the only movie you have ever seen in your life was Hocus Pocus.

Link: “Hocus Pocus” Sequel Rumors are Unfounded, Disney Says (HuffPo)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.