Entertation Index, Jan. 17-21: Jake Gyllen Hall Women Everywhere Hall the Time


Each week, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown Tweed Society’s acclaimed Entertation Index.

It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed’s unique sensibility.

Story continues below.

And so…

Story continues below.

The Entertation Index, Jan. 17-21:

Apprentice, Celebrity — Donald Trump has announced the next lineup for his hit show, and it does not include Lindsay Lohan. According to Trump, “Lindsay has to straighten herself out first.” Exactly. Lindsay needs to control her addictions before she can participate in a nasty, backstabbing, confrontational, frequently humiliating competition that is broadcast to millions of people. That should help.

Link: Lohan Not on Celebrity Apprentice (Life & Style)

Story continues below.

Ford, Tom — Fashion designer Ford tells the New York Post that he was convinced on a 1986 elevator ride with journalist Richard Buckley that he would marry him. The two have been together since then. Note to readers: this is the only time that elevator love has ever lasted, so please try to ignore body spray and after-shave commercials.

Link: Love in an Elevator (NY Post)

Gyllenhall, Jake — The Love and Other Drugs star has apparently moved on from young ingenue Taylor Swift as he showed up at the Golden Globes with Rilo Kiley front-woman and indie darling Jenny Lewis, prompting musical scholars to start looking for the Gyllenhall references in Swift’s next album. Good luck finding something that rhymes with “Prince of Persia,” Taylor!

Link: Meet Jake Gyllenhall’s Golden Globe Date (HuffPo)

McGraw, Tim — The country singer reveals that drunk-texting his wife, Faith Hill, served as his motivation to get sober. Note that it was not an apparent penchant for getting drunk and ordering shiny black cowboy hats and animal print shirts from eBay that did it.

Link: McGraw Sober (PopEater)

Story continues below.

Octomom — TMZ has released the first glimpses of Nadya “The Octomom” Suleman’s upcoming fetish-porn video, in which she uses a bullwhip to punish a grown, moustachio-ed man dressed as a giant baby. It’s only natural, really, that she’d go with something like this, as the last time Suleman was relevant it was for being stuffed full of eight people at one time.

Link: Octomom — The Baby-Whipping Fetish Video Photos (TMZ)

O’Reilly, Bill – The O’Reilly Factor figurehead is currently in a standoff with Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi after the talk host sent a crew to ambush the Jersey Shore star at a recent bookstore signing for her novel A Shore Thing. Insiders say the feud stems from an ongoing competition between the two over who has less relevant things to offer society.

Link: Bill O’Reilly Ambushes Snooki (Warming Glow)

Story continues below.

Philbin, Regis — Tuesday morning saw the announcement that the 80-year-old talk show host will be stepping down from his longtime post as host of Live with Regis and Kelly, which was formerly Live with Regis and Kathie Lee. Philbin gracefully announced at a taping that “everything must come to an end for some people on camera,” and says he is looking forward to spending his golden years outside the company of energetic blonde women who won’t shut up.

Story continues below.

Link: Regis Philbin to Leave Live with Regis and Kelly (NY Times)

Out, Lights — FX President John Landgraf is blaming large viewership of other shows, including MTV’s Teen Mom 2, for the low ratings for his network’s boxing series. FX, if you think people are watching a show about pregnant and newly-parent teens instead of yours, you either need to get a new president or a new show.

Link: Lights Out Not Doing So Great (EW)

Sheen, Charlie — The recent travails of the Two and a Half Men star have caused “a high level of concern,” according to Nina Tassler, CBS entertainment president. Whereas you might get fired from your job for pleading guilty to assault, trashing a hotel room after going so nuts that the porn star with whom you were consorting locked herself in your bathroom, and generally partying so hard that you became legendary for your benders rather than your work, Charlie Sheen keeps his. Tassler said, “What do you get fired for? Going to work and doing your job?,” then added, “This show is a hit…that’s all we have to say.” That, folks, is Hollywood in a nutshell.

Link: Sheen Causes Concern (Huffington Post)

Snooki — See: O’Reilly, Bill

Tequila, Tila — According to E! News Online, former MySpace star and certifiably insane pseud0-celebrity Tila Tequila has been dating former Carmen Electra flame and Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro for over six months. For those wishing to express their well-wishes for Navarro and Tequila, the couple is registered at “rock bottom.”

Link: Yuck Couple of the Moment – Tila Tequila and Dave Navarro (E!)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.