Entertation Index, Jan. 10-14: Lea Me Alone!

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Each week, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown Tweed Society‘s acclaimed Entertation Index.

It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed‘s unique sensibility.

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And so…

The Entertation Index, Jan. 10-14:

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Cage, Nicolas — According to a piece in last weekend’s New York Times, avant-garde Green Hornet director Michel Gondry explained that actor Nicolas Cage, who was to play the film’s original villain, had to be cut because “for reasons known only to him, he insisted on using a Jamaican accent.” I know what you’re thinking, and we have the same the same question: is Nicolas Cage trying to be this awesome?

Link: Float Like a Franchise, Sting Like a… (NY Times)

Cyrus, Miley — Comedian Mike O’Malley (Yes Dear, Glee) and Jeremy Piven (Entourage) have reportedly been cast in Miley Cyrus’ new movie So Undercover, which features the actress/musician as a teenage private investigator asked to go undercover in a sorority. No word yet on whether it will be Mike O’Malley or Jeremy Piven who will star as “adult who ends up covered in paint/pantsed/in a convertible filled with fish/chased off by dogs/chased off by an amorous old woman/captured being mean on a secret tape recorder” in the final reel.

Link: Jeremy Piven Joins Miley Cyrus Movie (NY Mag)

Hefner, Hugh – The 84-year-old Playboy patriarch is engaged to 24-year-old Crystal Harris. When asked how she felt about his plan to be married, ex-Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson said, “I’m not surprised.” Wilkinson then realized she thought she heard Hef was going to “be buried.” “Still not surprised,” she said.

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Link: Hef Engaged (E! Online)

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Kardashians, The — Revenue Resource Group has brought a $75 million suit against Kim, Khloe and Kourtney for pulling out of their debit-card endorsement deal. We get the breach of contract thing, RRG, but if you can find people willing to pay huge fees to use their own money because a card has a picture of the Kardashians on it, you won’t have trouble finding similar rubes again.

Link: Kardashians Sued (Huffington Post)

Michele, Lea — The Glee actress reportedly ignored 14-year-old True Grit star Hailee Steinfeld when the young gleek asked for Michele’s autograph. Don’t worry, likely-to-be-Oscar-nominated Steinfeld: the star of a show using the same gimmick as Cop Rock will probably be begging to be an extra in movies with you in a few years.

Link: Michele Ignores Steinfield? (PopEater)

Palin, Sarah — TLC’s Sarah Palin’s Alaska will not have a second season. As a result, every Alaskan mammal that was previously on the Endangered Species list has been removed.

Link: No Second Season for Palin (EW)

Paltrow, Gwyneth — Paltrow says that while filming her new movie Country Strong, she stayed drunk all the time. Similarly, we would have to be smashed to see this flick.

Link: Paltrow Drunk on Set (Celebrity Cafe)

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Ryder, Winona — The Heathers and Beetlejuice star admitted to Jimmy Fallon earlier this week that the reason she’s afraid of the Internet is that she fears, as she puts it, that “I’ll be googling and trying to find out what movie’s playing at what theater and suddenly I’ll be a member of al Qaeda.” If Winona Ryder knows something the rest of us don’t, al Qaeda’s recruitment techniques are really going well. And I’m going to check my phone for wiretaps.

Link: Winona Ryder Explains Why She’s Afraid of the Internet (Gawker)

Snooki — Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s first novel, A Shore Thing, was released on Tuesday, and the Jersey Shore star joined Today Show anchor Matt Lauer on Tuesday morning to discuss her writing. When asked about the book, Snooki told Lauer that “it’s pretty much like the show, but you’re reading it,” that it took her three months to write, and that one of the toughest moments of her creative process came on the day she ran out of green crayon.

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Link: Snooki Admits She Had Help Writing “A Shore Thing” (Perez Hilton)

Theory, Big Bang — The Emmy Award-winning CBS breakout sitcom The Big Bang Theory has, according to Entertainment Weekly, been renewed for another three years — extending its run into the 2013-14 season. You know, I swear to God sometimes it’s like Hollywood doesn’t even care about the Mayan calendar and 2012‚Ä≤s impending apocalypse.

Link: “Big Bang Theory” Scores a Three-Year Pickup (EW)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.