Entertation Index: Dec. 13-24: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Diet Doozy


Each week, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown Tweed Society‘s acclaimed Entertation Index.

It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed‘s unique sensibility.

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And so…

The Entertation Index, Dec. 13-17 and Dec. 20-24:

Doherty, Pete — The Libertines will have to share Doherty with the big screen, as the singer will play the lead role in a biopic about 19th century French writer Alfred de Musset. Doherty doesn’t know how he scored the role, but the director says he simply looked the part of a man who has been dead for 153 years.

Link: Doherty To Act (French Tribune)

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Gaga, Lady — The innovative songstress took to Twitter last night to announce that she was “furious and devastated” about the French government’s detainment of her truck drivers and equipment for a Paris concert and ultimately led to the show’s cancellation. “WTF?” Gaga allegedly tweeted. “This cottage cheese dress won’t keep forever, you know.”

Link: Gaga “Devastated” Over Cancelled Gig (DigitalSpy)

Gawker.com — Over the weekend, email addresses and passwords for over 200,000 Gawker Media users were hacked, prompting Gawker to recommend that its users change their User IDs and access information. After the announcement, the Internet went deathly silent as over 200,000 Gawker users paused briefly from leaving snarky hipster comments on the sites to spend some time coming up with clever and hilarious new user names.

Link: Gawker Media Hacked, Warns Users to Change Passwords (PC World)

Glee — According to set reports and tweets from the show’s stars, production on the hit Fox show Glee has been halted after several of the cast members allegedly have come down with tonsillitis. In other news, tonsillitis is the number one most searched and downloaded item on iTunes this week.

Link: Production on Glee Stopped After Cast Members Come Down With Tonsilitis (Monsters and Critics)

Gosselin, Kate — The reality TV matriarch has changed her hairstyle again. Go ahead and wipe the coffee off of your computer screen. If you need a moment, I completely understand, since the importance of this moment cannot be underestimated. Access Hollywood and Extra! have already begun revamping their line-ups to allow 24-hour coverage of this life-changing event.

Link: Gosselin Changes ‘Do (People)

Grey, Jennifer — This year’s Dancing With The Stars winner recently had back surgery, during which doctors removed a “huge fragment.” It turned out to be a large, sour grape, thought to have been placed there by Bristol Palin.

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Link: Grey Has Surgery (People)

Hathaway, Anne — The Princess Diaries star and her boyfriend of two years, Adam Shulman, are moving in together. The couple is expected to have awkward but adorable experiences from which they learn about each other — and themselves.

Link: Anne Moving In (Just Jared)

Idol, American — Rumors abound that Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler is proving a great success with the American Idol gang, as a source recently told The National Enquirer that “Steven’s the new Paula Abdul, and producers couldn’t be happier.” It should be noted that as happy as Idol producers are, their excitement pales in comparison to the happiness which hearing “Steven’s the new Paula Abdul” evokes in Hollywood pharmacists everywhere.

Link: Steven Tyler is the New Paula Abdul (Showbiz Spy)

Jackson, Jon — L.A.-based fashion designer Jon Jackson, after making the decision to move to New York City, recently bought a series of billboards around the city which herald traditional break-up phrases like “Sorry L.A., it’s over,” “I love you L.A., I’m just not in love with you” and “I think we should see other cities.” Jackson’s decision to move has been widely derided because, with this level of narcissism, he’s really a much better fit for L.A. Responses to the billboards, it should be noted, have reportedly ranged from “not giving a shit where this guy lives” to “not giving a shit where this guy lives.”

Link: Designer “Breaks Up” With Los Angeles Before Moving on to New York (HuffPo)

Johansson, Scarlett — After two years of marriage, People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” Ryan Reynolds and his wife, regular sexy person Scarlett Johansson, have decided to end their relationship, which critics once called “a feel-good romp” but lately have complained of “mailed-in performances.” There is no word yet on who Reynolds or Johansson will choose to co-star in their respective sequels to this marriage.

Link: Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds Split (Yahoo)

Kim, Lil’ — Rapper Lil’ Kim continues to feud with current star Nicki Minaj, saying that Minaj is a “contradicting creature” and warned that she shouldn’t be picking fights in the music industry after claiming Minaj’s song “Roman’s Revenge” was a thinly veiled attack on Kim. Then the two reportedly started up a fight club together which caught on and sprouted branches all over the country until they realized they were the same person!

Link: Lil Kim Slams Hip-Hop Rival Nicki Minaj (Digital Spy)

Kunis, Mila — The Black Swan actress doesn’t believe that Miley Cyrus was smoking the legal (in CA) substance salvia on the infamous bong video. “She was smoking some weed!” hypothesized Kunis on Lopez Tonight. Side note: the federal government still keeps marijuana illegal due to its supposed deleterious physical and mental effects, yet Cyrus’ “Party in the U.S.A.” is still legal.

Link: Mila on Miley (Celebuzz)

Lohan, Lindsay — The FBI is investigating “threatening and harassing” messages sent to LiLo from unknown sources. The content of these ominous messages is unknown, but one was thought to include, “As part of your continuing rehabilitation, Ms. Lohan, the County will be drug testing you tomorrow.”

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Link: Lohan Harassed? (TMZ)

Loser, Biggest — Tuesday night saw NBC crowning its latest Biggest Loser winner in a live finale of the show. Former college football player Patrick House was named the season’s champion after dropping from 400 pounds to 219 pounds in six months, a total of 181 pounds lost. Sadly, 181 pounds of Snooki still exists.

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Link: Biggest Loser Finale – Winner 2010 (People)

Nicaragua, Survivor:Jud Birza, a 21-year-old student and model, became the show’s youngest winner when he came out on top of a 5-to-4 vote. When asked what he would do with the $1 million prize, he …wait, this is show still on?

Link: Survivor Winner (People)

Palin, Bristol — The Dancing with the Stars second runner-up says she’s happy that her ex-boyfriend, Levi Johnston, has found a new flame, daycare instructor Sunny Oglesby. Sources have supposedly confirmed the relationship by checking out their Facebook statuses and pictures. In sadder news, Facebook is now considered a legitimate source of information for news agencies.

Link: Palin Happy for Johnston (CBS)

Paltrow, Gwyneth — Staunch vegetarian Gwyneth Paltrow told Conan O’Brien recently that fried food is one of her biggest weaknesses and that “you could fry a cockroach in batter and basically I’d eat it.” I think that’s a fair trade, since Paltrow expected me to swallow Duets, View from the Top and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.

Link: Why Gwyneth Would Eat a “Battered Cockroach” (Toronto Star)

Portwood, Amber — The Teen Mom actress decided that she never wanted to lose 2-year-old daughter Leah to Department of Child Protective Services again, so she decided to show her commitment by getting a huge tattoo of her child on her torso. This is also how Portwood explains her Lifehouse tattoo, which she got after accidentally deleting “You and Me” from her iPod.

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Link: Mom Gets Tattoo (Radar Online)

Swift, Taylor — The country singer and boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal were being tailed by paparazzi while driving through Beverly Hills, so they called the LAPD. The police sent cruisers and a helicopter, which were rendered unnecessary when Swift, a magical being incapable of failure, destroyed several photographers with her mind, then sublimated into pure energy and whisked the couple to her castle in the sky.

Link: Swiftenhaal Rebuffs Paparazzi (X17Online)

Year’s Eve, New — As the end of the year approaches, it’s been announced that December 31st’s Times Square New Year’s Eve telecast, hosted as always by Dick Clark, will feature the live music of New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys. You guys, I have a really good feeling that 1993 is going to be a great year.

Link: New Kids, Backstreet Boys Mash up to Close 2010 (Yahoo)

Read each weekday’s full Entertation Index every morning only at The Brown Tweed Society, your daily stop for more thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.