Entertation Index, Nov. 8-12: David Cassidy’s ‘I Think I Love You…Hiccup’

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Each week, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown Tweed Society‘s acclaimed Entertation Index.

It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed‘s unique sensibility.

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And so…

The Entertation Index, Nov. 8-12:

Cassidy, David – The Partridge Family star was arrested recently for DUI after failing both sobriety and breath tests. Though Cassidy insisted he hadn’t been drinking, police officers found a “half-empty” bottle of bourbon in his back seat. Cassidy disputed that account, insisting that the bottle was actually half full.

Link: Cassidy Arrested (Monsters and Critics)

Cube, Rubik’s – The Creative Arts Agency is reportedly in talks with several producers about the possibility of basing a feature-length film around Hungarian brain-bending toy the Rubik’s Cube. According to sources, the film will be interesting for about ten minutes before you don’t care if you complete it or not.

Link: Let’s All Feign Surprise That They’re Making a Rubik’s Cube Movie (AV Club)

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Girardi, Vienna – Girardi “won” The Bachelor by capturing Jake Pavelka’s “heart,” but their union ended messily soon after. Since then she has taken every opportunity she can to capitalize on her hard-earned(?) fame, including hosting a Chippendales’ Ultimate Girls Night Out in Las Vegas. She even joined the act, getting tied up on stage by a bunch of shirtless cowboys. Unfortunately, she was not left that way.

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Link: Girardi Tied Up (Socialite Life)

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Johansson, ScarlettThe Hollywood Reporter writes that British film studio Film4 is currently shopping an independent film from Sexy Beast writer Jonathan Glazer which features Scarlet Johahnsson as “an alien on earth, disguised as the perfect aesthetic form of a mesmerizing woman. She scours remote highways and desolate scenery looking to use her greatest weapon to snare human prey – her voracious sexuality.” The film will reportedly be called The Tila Tequila Story.

Link: Scarlett Johansson to Play Alien Seductress (Hollywood Reporter)

Lambert, Miranda – Country star Miranda Lambert was the big winner at Wednesday night’s Country Music Awards, where Lambert celebrated her 27th birthday by winning trophies for Album of the Year, Female Vocalist of the Year and Video of the Year. The legendary Loretta Lynn even took the stage to pronounce “nobody in country music is more country than Miranda,” a sentiment which Lambert did not hear because she was out behind the auditorium pooping in a hole.

Link: CMA Awards 2010 Winners – Miranda Lambert Wins Big (HuffPo)

Nintendo – Videogame manufacturing juggernaut Nintendo has reportedly filed a request to trademark the phrase “It’s on like Donkey Kong” as it pertains to the beloved Nintendo franchise of Donkey Kong games and characters. That’s fine, they can do that. But if Nintendo ever expects me to stop using the phrase “What is this – Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf?” they are are sorely, sorely mistaken.

Link: Nintendo Trying to Trademark the Phrase “It’s On Like Donkey Kong” (New York Magazine)

Richards, Keith – The unkillable 67-year-old Stones guitarist wrote his autobiography in part to change people’s perceptions of him: “You get stuck with an image, part of the whole reason for the book was to dispel some of that junkie, dopey, rock and roll… it is not like that at all.” Richards is expected to spend the next 150 years of his life crafting a new public persona.

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Link: Richards’ Image (Sky)

Situation, The – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino gives Men’s Fitness rules for staying fit, one of which involves avoiding junk calories, including many condiments. Fellow Jersey Shore castmate Pauly D then said emphatically that he never uses condiments because he “doesn’t like they way they feel.”

Link: Sorrentino’s Fitness Rules (Men’s Fitness)

Stewart, Rod – The 65 year-old pop icon tells press that, following the birth of his eighth child – due in February – that he’s finished having children and is “closing up the office.” Why anyone was still bringing their business to that office remains a mystery.

Link: Rod Stewart “Closing Up the Office” After Kid No. 8 (PopEater)

Van Dyke, Dick – The television legend recently admitted on The Late Show with Craig Ferguson that after dozing off on a surfboard, he woke to find himself lost at sea until a team of porpoises pushed him to land. Friends, do I really need to cheapen “Dick Van Dyke was rescued by porpoises” with a joke?

Link: Dick Van Dyke Rescued by Porpoises. Really. (Washington Post)

Read each weekday’s full Entertation Index every morning only at The Brown Tweed Society, your daily stop for more thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.

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