Entertation Index: Oct. 25-29: Yes, We’re Buffing the Sheen

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Each week, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown Tweed Society‘s acclaimed Entertation Index.

It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed‘s unique sensibility.

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And so…

The Entertation Index, Oct. 25-29:

Activity 2, Paranormal – The sequel to Paranormal Activity netted $41.5 million in its opening weekend, which makes it a big hit. So you should see it – or, if you want to save some money, you can just sit around and silently stare at things in your own home for minutes on end, waiting for something to move.

Link: Paranormal Activity 2 Scares the Box Office Silly (MovieMaker)

Ballet, Royal Flanders – The dance troupe director of the Royal Flanders Ballet of Finland has resigned amid plans by government cultural officials to unite the organization under the same management as the Flemish Opera. See? I’ve been saying for years the Flemish would ruin ballet. Now who’s “drunk?”

Link: Ballet Leader Resigns Over Flemish Government Plan (NY Times)

Bear, Masturbating – In Rolling Stone’s current issue featuring Conan O’Brien and his upcoming talk show at TBS, O’Brien reveals that he plans to find some way to keep his longtime staple character The Masturbating Bear, even if it means meeting with NBC in a courtroom to maintain his property. The character would likely be a first for a station like TBS, as masturbating characters have traditionally been relegated to channels further up the dial, and scrambled.

Link: Conan O’Brien Will Not Be Denied His Masturbating Bear (E! Online)

Lohan, Lindsay – The Machete actress has been ordered back to rehab until after the New Year, which is apparently not what she expected even after a failed drug test. Upon hearing she would be sequestered “until twenty-eleven,” she reportedly asked, “OK, what is that in civilian time?”

Link: Lohan Back to Rehab (WMBF)

Manson, Marilyn – After rocky relationships with pinup Dita Von Teese and actress Evan Rachel Wood, the gothic rocker is said to currently be dating former America’s Top Model contestant CariDee English. Looks like that “database of unattentive fathers” software Manson purchased is finally beginning to pay for itself.

Link: Marilyn Manson’s Next Top Girlfriend (Contactmusic)

Molly, Mike & – The editor-in-chief of of women’s mag Marie Claire is apologizing for one of its bloggers, Maura Kelly, after Kelly recently wrote an incendiary blog post based on CBS sitcom Mike & Molly in which she said she said she would be “grossed out” if she “had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other.” Wow, that mandatory airbrushing policy at Marie Claire is really starting to take its toll on the staff.

Link: Marie Claire Editor Apologizes for “Mike & Molly” Attack Blog (Hollywood Reporter)

Perry, Katy – Excitement erupted at Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s wedding reception in India on Saturday after armed guards stepped in to corral the guests and ward off a man-eating tiger which had somehow scaled the walls of India’s posh Arman-i-Khas resort. This means my plan failed, as I had not counted on armed guards.

Link: Katy Perry has Tiger Trouble at Wedding (Earth News Times)

Quaid, Randy and Evi – The actor-squatters are seeking asylum in Canada to escape purported assassins: “We feel our lives are in danger. Randy has known eight close friends murdered in odd, strange manners … We feel that we’re next,” Evi said. The Quaids’ lawyer read a statement to a Canadian immigration official that said, “We are requesting asylum from Hollywood star whackers.” They certainly have the “whack” part right.

Link: Quaids Seek Refuge (Huffington Post)

Sheen, Charlie – The Two and a Half Men star was found naked and drunk in a trashed hotel room Tuesday, reportedly with a prostitute. His publicist explains it away as an allergic reaction to prescription meds, but really, has Sheen ever been “found” any other way?

Link: Sheen Admitted (L.A. Times)

Truth, The Whole – ABC has cancelled its legal drama The Whole Truth, which starred Maura Tierney, after just a few episodes. It will be replaced by seven legal dramas.

Link: Another Show Cancelled (EW)

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