No Debate! The Lady and (Donald J.) Tramp Take Vegas

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Donald J. Tramp
Photo: April Brucker.

Oh, it seems like just yesterday, doesn’t it? Just yesterday, it seems, that the monarch of the deplorables — the racist, xenophobic, sexist and sexual assaulting Donald J. Trump, Republican nominee for our nation’s highest office, forever feeding off his feckless fetishes for fascism and ferocious violence, not to mention good old-fashioned anti-Semitism, had to suffer through being stuck on stage for a total of four and a half hours in three separate TV debates against the 45th president of the US, Hillary Clinton. Poor guy, poor guy, what with all that highly suspicious sniffling and bold lying about pussy grabbing and even more lying about sucking on Vladimir Putin’s onion domes and fomenting global intolerance and terror and white nationalist hatred. Weren’t they the best times? Weren’t they the sweetest?

Well, there was also something totally sweet going on during the third debate — which, for those of you suffering from extreme short-term memory less, was held in Las Vegas, NV a little less than two weeks ago. That’s an eternity of eternities in American politics, to be sure — arguably as distant from our present moment as the ancient days of long ago when members of the Republican Party were still patriotic enough to actually respect the US Constitution. Like all Americans, we believe that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but The Clyde Fitch Report will now unceremoniously break the rule in order to tell you about a little fellow by the name of Donald J. Tramp. Readers of the CFR are sure to remember him — and his fine friend April Brucker, too, and how they were so memorably tossed off NBC’s Today show earlier this year. Yes, NBC censored a puppet.

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Well, we definitely don’t roll that way here at the CFR. Unlike NBC, we’re unafraid of feelings — or felt. So when Brucker and the little Tramp offered to gamely serve as the CFR’s special correspondents out there in Vegas, right there in the midst of the madness near the third presidential debate, we, just like Brucker, immediately put our hands way up. We fingered — er, figured — that helping a puppet present would help us pull strings with the press folks at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. And it worked!

Take a look at the awesome video below. This, people, is puppet power put into action. We know we’re a little on the slow side in terms of the zeitgeist: it took a few days for this video both to be edited and finalized and cleaned up for public consumption, and since we are sometimes sadly understaffed here at the CFR, it took us a few more days to finally put this post on line. Oh, and then there was yet another thing: we had to negotiate with the notoriously rigid puppet union to get all the necessary clearances to bring this little video to you. Oh, that puppet union. It makes the ongoing and increasingly bitter lawsuit between LA actors and Actors’ Equity Association look like a night of naked free love in an ashram in Berkeley, CA.

But we think the wait makes it worth it. Indeed, we’re fully behind the pro-Tramp movement, and you know what, America? If you’re pro-Tramp, you’re all right. The rest of America? Meh. Now watch: