Sarah Palin Word Salad: 2008 is Back, Baby!

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Word salad freedom word salad Jesus drill baby drill grizzly momma word salad.

Oh, ‘merica, freedom lovers and star-spangled Jesus! My old friends, hockey mommas grizzly mommas pistol-packin’ mommas, momma mommas, freedom! I’m back here in this Iowa where I coulda — you all know, where the heartland is — real America! Teamsters, except for those union ones, workin’ families, tryin’ so hard for our ‘merican dream and our guns, our Bible, not the Islam, dreamers all — you all know why I’m here? I’m here for my regular guy, a true Conservative for now, my BFF, my own Honey Boo Boo from Fifth Avenue, Donald J. Trump, builder of big tall stuff! Gold stuff that touches the sky, you and I and him, him who is a businessman, not the man riding your bent back which is bent ’cause of the man! I’m here in my sparkly jacket like vets who have PTSD like my son, who Obama stomps on with his jackboots, my son with PTSD what made him beat his girlfriend and kick her, and Obama’s hatred of the 2A made my son Track point that assault rifle to his head! Obama hates us ‘cause we’re gun-totin,’ God-lovin,’ and don’t tell me how to train our womenfolk, Obama hates our vets! He shows them no respect, no honor, Stryker Brigade, my son, the wounded warrior, the community organizer goes organizin’ in Chicago. Obama’s why my son is beating up everyone and he’s no sissy even when he lost his necklace in Anchorage, he served us all. I’m supportin’ a true ‘merican, Donald J. Trump and his Trumpeters! To keep the main thing, and he knows the main thing.

It’s finally here! Sarah Palin’s third reality show premiered this week: Party Down: Trump/Palin 2016! We all could see this matchup coming from as far away as that new undiscovered planet! It was only time before the reality TV gods put those two together! It’s a match made in heaven. Or hell. Unless you like your presidential politics more presidential.

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This week we learned that Palin has had enough of playing in the background, all forgotten in Wasilla with no one to hear her drunken rants. She clearly has more time on her hands since her pay-to-play subscriber Web channel shut down and she got bounced as a Fox News contributor. In the seven years since we first met the half-term gal, her star has fallen so far that a 2015 poll found that she only had a 27 percent favorability rating among Republicans. Among all Americans her favorable rating sits at a dismal -24.

Yet for true, stalwart Tea Partiers and the segment of the population that believes Barack Obama stole the White House with his Chicago gangsta thug buddies and Foxy Brown Black Panther wife, she is the real deal and their support has never wavered. Ted Cruz has publicly credited Palin’s endorsement with helping him beat then-Texas Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst for the GOP Senate nomination four years ago. So it had to sting when Momma Grizzly dumped him for the Donald.

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Because Teddy ain’t no Donny. What chance did Cruz have when that shiny, gold-plated, gold-haired god came along and pulled Palin away? Trump is everything Palin yearns to be: relevant and really rich. What makes them mirror images is their matching personalities: vain, selfish, thin-skinned, narcissistic, whiny, defensive, both vying for the title of Monarch of Mean and neither any more mature than a 14-year-old girl. And both are veterans of reality TV at its most degrading. Who were those “celebrities” on Celebrity Apprentice? Did Palin actually camp out with Kate Plus 8? And while I’d absolutely set my DVR and open a nice box of Ramona Pinot for The Real Candidates of New York on Bravo, I’m appalled that I am witnessing the nadir of the American political system.

[pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Trump is everything Palin yearns to be: relevant and really rich.[/pullquote]

Now that this desperate and grasping media whore has found her spotlight again, we can expect more of her incoherent ramblings on any number of topics. I suspect she’ll mostly rehash the 2008 Presidential campaign. Not much has changed in seven years: her hair is the same; her smirk is still her resting face; her mocking of community organizers is as tired — does she still not know that Jesus was one of those? — as her disregard for facts, science and newspapers.

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While Palin has stayed the same, our country has continue to demographically diversify; she must hate that minorities are soon to become the majority. Here’s one of the headlines of a report, The Changing Demographic Profile of the United States, prepared for members and committees of Congress:

The United States Is Becoming More Racially and Ethnically Diverse, reflecting the major influence that immigration has had on both the size and the age structure of the U.S. population.

Take a look at this chart:

Here’s a look at US demographics in 2014 and the likely demographics for 2060 from the US Census. The numbers don’t bode well for Palin and her icky ilk. Minority babies are growing at a good clip each year, and once they reach 18, they could — maybe they will — start voting:

Palin’s shtick is stale and lazy. So much so that some columnists and comedians no longer feel the need to lampoon her. We’re no longer surprised at her lack of understanding of basic grammar or sentence structure. Her shameless dog-whistles and outright fabrications aren’t shocking. She’s boring — and we’ve moved on. This will be my last post about this fame-starved teenager. I ate the frosting off the cupcake; what’s left is dry and tasteless. Unless, of course, she’s appointed to a cabinet position in a Trump administration, at which point I will proceed to write my column from my new home in the Caribbean. Or hell, after if finishes freezing over.