Entertation Index Mar 11 – 22: Of Biebs and Band Names

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Twice monthly, the CFR publishes a condensed, best-of-the-best version of The Brown
Tweed Society
‘s acclaimed Entertation Index. It compiles the best dish, gossip and celebrity news filtered via Brown Tweed’s unique sensibility.

And so, the Entertation Index, March 11 – 22:

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Might not have the same appeal.
Might not have the same appeal.

III, Clerks – Director Kevin Smith has started writing Clerks III, saying that it will be “the best film I’ll ever make.” The setting may have to be somewhere other than a video store.

Link: Clerks III in the Pipeline? (EW)

Bieber, Justin – The pop singer had an interesting week in London: scuffling with paparazzi, showing up 2 hours late to a concert, and suffering from an undisclosed health issue. Bieber said that his last show went really well, though he was still short of breath. How anyone would notice is still a mystery.

Link: Bieber’s Breath (People)

Cyrus, Miley – Conflicting reports as to whether the wedding of Hannah Montana star and penis-cake enthusiast Miley Cyrus to not-the-Thor-Hemsworth Liam has been called off are currently circulating across the internet. Sources close to TBTS, however, say that Hemsworth was far more enamored with “adorable pop-country actress/star” Cyrus than new-coiffed “1993 fourteen year-old boy at the skate park” Cyrus. This should serve as a cautionary tale for all of us who are considering getting a haircut without checking with the internet first.

Link: Looks Like Miley Cyrus will have 0 out of 3 Weddings (Gawker)

Cyrus gleams the cube.
Cyrus gleams the cube.

Gomez, Selena – The Spring Breakers star reveals that as a young girl, she helped her dad pick up waitresses at Hooters after her parents’ divorce by simply sitting with him and being cute. A whole lot of uncles just became interested in taking their 7-year-old nieces to lunch with them.

Link: Gomez the Wing-Man (The Sun)

Grammer, Kelsey – Frasier star and documented cad Kelsey Grammer confessed to TMZ Tuesday that he suffered a “high six-figure loss” after a large investment in windmills didn’t pan out like he’d hoped. Unfortunately, Grammer is just another sad tale of a celebrity who rose to stardom only to have to watch it all come crashing down around him because he didn’t seek help with his windmill problem.

Link: Kelsey Grammer – I Blew Six Figures Investing in Windmills (TMZ)

Grohl, Dave – The world’s favorite drummer gave a long speech at Austin’s SXSW in which he took a jab at Pitchfork and praised “Gangnam Style” as one of his favorite songs of the past decade. Grohl also quipped that as far as band names go, Foo Fighters is “the stupidest f**king name.” “Not so fast,” Limp Bizkit, Hootie and the Blowfish and Chumbawumba said in unison.

Link: Dave Grohl Says “Gangnam Style” is Great & “Foo Fighters” is the Worst Name Ever (HuffPo)

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Lauer, Matt – Sources believe that Matt Lauer, front man of the quickly sinking Today Show on NBC, is being considered to replace longtime Jeopardy host Alex Trebek in the next few years. “Tell Alex if he needs to talk to anyone about sudden unemployment at the hands of Matt Lauer, I’m here for him,” Anne Curry reportedly quipped to Trebek’s people.

Link: “Jeopardy” Considering Matt Lauer to Replace Alex Trebek (Fox News)

Lochte, Ryan – Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte and model Carmen Electra were seen canoodling in Hollywood nightclub Bootsy Bellows last week, with sources telling reporters that the pair “had their arms around each other” and “were kissing on the lips.” The two reportedly did not leave together, however, as neither could figure out that you needed to push the exit door instead of pull it, so they were forced to stay at the club indefinitely.

Link: Carmen Electra and Ryan Lochte Probably Had Sex (Celebslam)

Phoenix, River – Twenty years after the actor died of an overdose, his final film, Dark Blood, was screened at the Berlin Film Festival, just in time for people to say “Oh! Now…who was he again?”

Link: Phoenix’s Final Film (Telegraph)

Rodman, Dennis – Fresh off his meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, former Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman arrived in the Vatican yesterday only two hours prior to Catholic officials announcing the election of a new Pope. I guess all of Rodman’s championing of Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s conservatism on church doctrine and staunch avoidance of liberation theology paid off. Way to go, Dennis!

Link: Dennis Rodman has Arrived at the Vatican (USA Today)

Sheen, Charlie – After his daughter was believed to be bullied at her school, tiger-blooded Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen may have tweeted a message last week in which he not only suggested his fans throw rotten eggs and dog feces at his daughter’s school, but revealed the name of the school and the name of his daughter’s bully. To be fair, however, feces-throwing is how Sheen handles all things which cause unpleasantness in his life – to which a 74 year-old Calabasas DMV employee, a malfunctioning vending machine at a Bakersfield Hampton Inn and the character of Scar in Disney’s The Lion King can all attest.

Link: Charlie Sheen Goes on a Twitter Rant Against School (KTLA)

Watson, Emma – Known hacker group Anonymous has hinted that it has seen documents from a German film studio which purport Emma Watson – formerly Hermione Granger of the Harry Potter films – to have landed the role of Anastasia Steele in the film adaptation of best-selling novel Fifty Shades of Grey. Anonymous also claims to have seen the first marketing taglines for the film’s teaser trailer, which reportedly opens with “This summer…adult males, prepare to feel really, really skeevy.”

Link: Anonymous Claims Emma Watson is Attached to Fifty Shades of Grey (Filmdrunk)

Read the full Entertation Index only at The Brown Tweed Society, where you’ll find thoughtful pop culture news, trends and commentary. Follow TBTS on Twitter @browntweed.