5 Questions I’ve Never Been Asked: Blanche Devereaux

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It is true that Thank You For Being a Friend is an unauthorized parody of The Golden Girls. It is also true that it so very affectionate toward its source material, such a cheesecake-infused orgy of sitcom camp, that its return to the summer boards in New York was almost a foregone conclusion, for the show not only sold out its original run last year, but was extended twice and was also one of the first 5 Questions interviews conducted by the CFR. Welcome back!

Stick a fork in it: the glamorous cast of "Thank You For Being a Friend." Photo: Max Ruby.

Featuring a book by Nick Brennan, music by Jeff Thomson, and lyrics by Luke Jones and Cisco Cardenas, Thank You For Being a Friend has to be friendly — er, legal — in its approach to parody. In lieu of Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia, it’s Blanchette, Dorthea, Roz and Sophie. As for the plot-line (“when gay pop superstar Lance Bass moves next door…”), it’s not Dreyfuss the dog and Kristy McNichol on the screen, but that’s all ok — these girls are true pals and confidantes.

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Meanwhile, with the announcement that Thank You For Being a Friend was returning to the Kraine Theatre, we here at the CFR began thinking of how to commemorate the occasion. Another interview with Brennan and Jones seemed too much. Even with Mimi Imfurst joining the cast, why not try to get creative?

That’s when it occurred to me: Brennan and Jones would likely to talk to Blanche Devereaux herself if only I asked. I knew she was in seclusion since the death of Rue McClanahan. I also knew that Blanche likes to talk. So I approached Brennan and Jones — and they got Blanche was on board.

Thank You For Being a Friend runs Sundays, 8pm, through Aug. 1 at the Kraine Theater (85 E. 4th St.) For tickets or more information, call 212-352-3101 or click here.

And now, 5 questions Blanche Devereaux has never been asked — and a bonus question:

1) What’s the most perceptive question anyone has ever asked you about your work?
One young whippersnapper once asked if sex was better after 60. I coyly responded that sex can be great at any temperature.

2) What’s the most idiotic question anyone has ever asked you about your work?
Have you ever used handcuffs? On numerous occasions — including a one-night stand in lockup on my way to see Mr. Burt Reynolds.

3) What’s the weirdest question anyone has ever asked you about your work?
“What’s the strangest place you’ve never had sex?” I had to think long and hard about that one!

4a) What is the secret to a fulfilling sex life?
Early to bed, early to rise!

4b) What is the one thing about sex that you haven’t discovered yet?
Who invented it. That person really should get a Nobel Prize! Also: How ever did Dorothy manage to get any. Bless her heart.

4c) Also, did Sophia Petrillo have a bigger libido that we knew?
My, yes. There was one time we found Sophia hogtied on the kitchen table like a pig at a luau with a clown, a midget and an Elvis impersonator. We couldn’t eat cheesecake for a month.

5a) Other than your late husband, George, was Mel Bushman the real second love of your life? How come we didn’t get to see him more than once on The Golden Girls?
To be honest, Mel was only one of the many, many, many men who were the love of my life. One night, I caught him wearing one my dressing robes, in bed with Coco, our former housekeeper. I was in such a state of shock. I hadn’t seen Coco since we had to let him go for doing poppers on the lanai.

5b) Speaking of men, what is the most efficient way to thoroughly flatter your heart?
Diamonds, dim lighting and mirrors on the ceiling above the bed.

Bonus question:

6) What do you think of the trend among some young people to remain abstinent?
Horrible. Just horrible. I mean, how do you know if they are any good. You need to test drive a car before you buy it, darlin’.