Burke’s Law IV: Rep. Michelle Bachmann Blinded Me…with Science!
By Elizabeth Burke
Special to the Clyde Fitch Report
There she goes again! Rep. Michelle “Facts are for Liberals” Bachmann (R-MN) has given me yet another reason to jump out of bed in the morning! This time, pontificating on the floor of Congress during an Earth Day session on global warming, she claimed that carbon dioxide is harmless because it’s natural — it’s kind of like methane! In the words of Thomas Dolby, “She blinded me with science!”
“Carbon dioxide, Mr. Speaker, is a natural byproduct of nature. Carbon dioxide is natural. It occurs in Earth. It is a part of the regular lifecycle of Earth. In fact, life on planet Earth can’t even exist without carbon dioxide. So necessary is it to human life, to animal life, to plant life, to the oceans, to the vegetation that’s on the Earth, to the, to the fowl that-that flies in the air, we need to have carbon dioxide as part of the fundamental lifecycle of Earth.”
And here’s my favorite part:
“But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. There isn’t one such study because carbon dioxide is not a harmful gas, it is a harmless gas. Carbon dioxide is natural. It is not harmful. It is part of Earth’s life cycle.”
Oh, heck, just watch the whole video:
“EPA’s proposed endangerment finding is based on rigorous, peer-reviewed scientific analysis of six gases – carbon dioxide, methane, nitrous oxide, hydrofluorocarbons, perfluorocarbons and sulfur hexafluoride – that have been the subject of intensive analysis by scientists around the world. The science clearly shows that concentrations of these gases are at unprecedented levels as a result of human emissions, and these high levels are very likely the cause of the increase in average temperatures and other changes in our climate.”
And there’s more:
“In addition to threatening human health, the analysis finds that climate change also has serious national security implications. Consistent with this proposed finding, in 2007, 11 retired U.S. generals and admirals signed a report from the Center for Naval Analyses stating that climate change “presents significant national security challenges for the United States.” Escalating violence in destabilized regions can be incited and fomented by an increasing scarcity of resources – including water. This lack of resources, driven by climate change patterns, then drives massive migration to more stabilized regions of the world.”
See, carbon dioxide actually displaces oxygen, but, sorry, that is a scientific fact and has no place in Bachmann-style discourse. For a fun scientific experiment, however, perhaps we ought to put her in small room with a large tank of CO2 and see what happens. If she makes it out alive, she wins!
Elizabeth Burke, a New York-based actor, has been involved in politics since her first campaign at age 16. Burke’s Law does not necessarily represent the views of The Clyde Fitch Report.